{Therapist’s Corner} “Did you have fun?”

This post is part of a monthly series brought to you by the music therapists at Noteable Progressions. Join us here for book reviews, thought provoking conversation, interesting information, and other random musings. Do you have something you would like our therapists to address? Leave your idea in the comments, and we will get back to you.

Our colleague (and co-therapist for Social Notes), Alison Bomba, Psy.D., recently shared this article: The Misguided Desire of Wanting Our Kids to Be Happy. As I read the article, I found myself nodding in agreement over and over. While not directly related to the emotional strength that Dr. Berman discusses in the article, I immediately saw the parallels to a parent-child interaction I have witnessed countless times.

At our music therapy center, we allot 5 to 10 minutes at the end of each weekly therapy session or adapted lesson to touch base with family members about what occurred during the appointment and to share any suggestions for carryover throughout the week. Often, the first thing parents ask is, “Did you have fun?” While I don’t recall ever hearing a client answer “no” to that question, sometimes “no” may be closer to the truth.

Empathize with your child’s feelings—don’t deny them, Dr. Berman suggests.

By asking if the child had fun, the parent is, probably unintentionally, implying that the child should have had fun. Music therapy, and any other therapy, is hard work. Hard. Work. Just because we use music doesn’t mean it’s fun, and when it’s not fun, that doesn’t mean it wasn’t valuable.

I understand that “Did you have fun?” seems like a great ice breaker to hear more about how things went during the session or lesson. What I would recommend, and what we often model, is to ask specific questions.

Suggested Session/Lesson Follow-up Questions

• Did you play any instruments?
  • What instrument did you play?
    • How do you play that instrument?
    • What does it sound like?
    • What did you think of that instrument?
• Did you sing/play any songs?
  • Tell me about the songs.
• Was anything hard or challenging today?
• What was the best thing you did today?

I believe that questions rooted in actions, not emotions, can build the framework for communication, attention and memory recall, and self-reflection – all which contribute to resiliency.