{Therapist’s Corner} All of the [Holiday] Feels

This post is part of a monthly series brought to you by the music therapists at Noteable Progressions. Join us here for book reviews, thought provoking conversation, interesting information, and other random musings. Do you have something you would like our therapists to address? Leave your idea in the comments, and we will get back to you.

Confession. Christmas is my favorite time of year. I also really enjoy a good cheesy, made for TV movie about Christmas spirit saving someones relationship, or how Santa can make two people fall in love. In fact, a lot of the time I get to spend with my sisters around the holidays watching these sicky sweet holiday movies (much to my brother’s dismay) and enjoying the happy feelings they bring. But the other day, I watched one that made me happy for other reasons. It had a couple characters who didn’t love the holiday season. It just didn’t make them happy. (Spoiler alert: they love Christmas in the end and find love.)

I enjoyed this movie, not for the reasons stated above, but because it made me stop and think. How often do I expect everyone to love this season as much as me? To find joy in the cold, snowy nights with lots of colored lights and singing everywhere. To love listening to the music played over and over in every store. To enjoy Santa being literally everywhere. To want to celebrate because they have happy memories about celebrating. In all of this, I forget how many people don’t feel the joy. They don’t love the music. They don’t feel happy and joyful. They don’t have happy memories about celebrating with family. Their memories might be tough memories that cannot bring them joy. They might get stuck in how commercial it all is now, and not be able to look past it. They might not have family to celebrate with anymore, and it hurts more to celebrate without them.

How often do we all forget this. I know that as a music therapist, I spend lots of time trying to figure out how to cram in all of the holiday music and interventions that talk about Santa and reminisce about holidays past, and seldom stop to think that some people won’t feel that joy with me this year. And that’s actually okay. Just because the holidays are hard doesn’t mean that someone is a “Grinch,” or that we have to help their heart grow a couple sizes each year. It’s okay to feel that way, and we need to validate that feeling. To allow for the holidays to be hard and not always happy. Think about the joy you could actually bring to someone by being the one place they don’t have to feel judged about those feelings this season.

This year, I want to work to be more aware and accepting of others feelings about the holidays. To understand if they tell me it’s not their cup of tea and offer them the chance to share why. Or to allow them space, that they might not receive anywhere else, to not have to explain why. I encourage everyone to be more aware of the variety of feelings that the holidays can bring up, and to be more accepting this year. No matter how you might experience this holiday season, I hope that you will allow space for “all the feels.”